This is one of the primary things that I have trouble with at my day job. I am a lead, and definately one of the "smarter" people on the team. But my hair isn't gray enough to be able to say, "This is the way it will be done." As a contractor, I also have to remember that "the customer is always right" and not buck the system to often.
So there are really three challenges that keep me from leading. I am not experienced/old enough. I don't have a strong ego. I am hampered by environment.
I am not experienced/old enough. There isn't much that I can do about that except grow older and continue to extend my skills. They funny thing about this challenge though is that it is largely based on perception. How do others perceive me? Well, I start out a nice, intelligent, wise and respectful young man. But, as time goes by, I start to loathe my peers that are not as open minded or bright as I am. I become very short with them and avoid them as much as possible. If they are in a posistion over me, it doesn't really change much. I still try to avoid them, and often argue with their decisions.
I have a friend that is the same age as I am. He is currently managing a large project. He isn't a technical guy, more of a true "consultant". But he would manage this situation much differently than I do. I plan to sit down with him in the coming days and pick his brain to see how he thinks and deals with others.
I don't have a strong ego. Or maybe I do and I just don't express it correctly. Maybe I go from being nice guy, to being "this has to be done" and then back to nice guy. This may confuse my co-workers. It sure as hell confuses me. My ego is easily bent as well. If I think I am having a good day, and someone insults me, even in jest, my ego takes a hit. That hit is even worse when I am already doubting my abilities. How is it that *I* got to this point? That question is usually the very beginning of my downward spiral.
I am hampered by environment. I don't think this will ever change. I love the type of work that I do. I love being a consultant and helping other companies do their job better. I think the discussion with my manager friend will help in this area as well. We shall see.
My father asked me the other night, "Why are you right and they are wrong?" My wife asked me that today. I explained one situtation at work where a guy doesn't want to make an architectual change because he will have to redo some paperwork. Even though this change will close a known security hole, he gives lame examples of why it should stay in place. One example that was completely ludicris was that the system will have better performance. I can't give more details than that, but lets just say, would your system run better if you were running one copy of Photoshop or two? I want to remove the second copy of Photoshop. His performance arguement is basically, since we have two copies of Photoshop running, the system can get more accomplished. Since this guy is the "lead", there isn't much I can do. So, as Vic suggests, I went and surfed the net.
The future is coming. And there is no stopping it. But the future can be a nicer place, but I think it will require me to study myself and make appropriate changes. The first thing I need to work on is the way I speak to those that I loathe. I think I will start by capturing what it is that I am thinking while they are talking. This way I will know what the signs are that I am starting to do something wrong. Then, I will try to alter those thoughts to something more positive.
The loathees are people too, and they have thoughts, and think they are just as right as I think I am. Somehow I have to figure out how to present an alternate idea that they will understand and agree with. That my friends, is going to be a difficult task.
Posted by carl at March 28, 2003 12:45 AM
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